HAPPY CAT BOXING DAY FROM CAT REPORTS

This is the worst Cat Boxing Day ever.

Judging by the amount of National Cat Day celebrations we saw yesterday, we mistakenly thought it was National Dickhead Day. We'll leave you all to your arbitrary, meaningless holiday, while the rest of us continue to celebrate the day after. 

So, Happy Cat Boxing Day.

FAQ's: WALK-IN REFRIGERATORS

It's called a "walk-in," not a "walk-out."

By special guest contributor Sam.
People tend to have lots of questions regarding walk-in refrigerators. The main question always seems to be, “Why are you in my refrigerator?” While we may not have an answer to that, we do have answers to these other frequently posed queries.

Q.) What size refrigerator should I get?
A.) Get one that’s big enough so your butt isn’t resting on a meatloaf, but small enough so that your butt is resting on a glazed ham.

Q.) What is the recommended temperature for my walk-in fridge?
A.) Shit, we don’t really care. It’s your stupid fridge.

Q.) How much do they typically cost?
A.) Jesus, how many questions do we have to answer?

Q.) Should I buy an extended warranty?
A.) You should try killing yourself.

Q.) What type of insulation should I use?
A.) That’s it. This Q & A session is over.

CONNECT YOUR LAPTOPS TO CREATE AN EMERGENCY SHELTER

I'll make for base camp in the morning...

By special guest contributor, Dr. Waffles.
If the weather in the living room takes a turn for the worse, try linking up multiple laptop computers to create a short term shelter. Not only will it protect you from the indoor elements, it’s also a great way to make sure nobody else can get any work done at all.

Build an electronic shelter in three easy steps:
1.) Find a safe location: Choose a spot covered in important documents like credit card statements or health insurance forms.
2.) Build your shelter: Use anything from iPads to iPhones to iWoodchips.
3.) Rest and regain your strength: You’ll need it if you’re planning on running up and down the stairs all night.

TOP 3 METHODS FOR CLOGGING A DRAIN

Your move, drain...

We know how it is… You’re in the tub, the faucet is on, and then you suddenly notice that the water actually going down the drain. This can be a horrifying realization, and it requires immediate action. But don’t panic. Here are step-by-step instructions for clogging that drain and getting water stopped immediately:

STEP 1: Shed as much fur as you can (and as quickly as you can).
STEP 2: Put about three dollars worth of loose change down the drain (this keeps the demons away).
STEP 3: Stare at the drain to show it who’s boss.
STEP 4: Watch an episode of Who’s the Boss (this also keeps the demons away).
STEP 5: Repeat Step 3.
STEP 6: Repeat Steps 2 and 4.
STEP 7: Repeat the first half of Step 6.
STEP 8: Skip directly to Step 10.
STEP 9: Repeat Steps 2, 4 and 5.
STEP 10: Don’t do Step 8 again.
STEP 11: Repeat Steps 3 through 7 (but not 4 and 6).
STEP 12: Repeat Step 2, but use Romanian currency.
STEP 13: Enjoy a freshly clogged drain.